A few weeks ago I wrote a note in Evernote (where I do most of the writing that makes it way onto the blog, and a lot of it that doesn't) about how i was going to make this blog my focus for the month of May.
And then I didn't post it. Or anything else for that matter.
I wrote it because I believe it is true, and I needed the accountability to show up and do it. And maybe you're thinking the same way about something and it might help you get that push that you need.
But accountability only works if you ask for a witness (Always ask for a witness, and not just because the official form requires you to). If you stick your request away in a dark drawer and don't actually voice it, it's like it didn't happen. It's a pretty story you're telling yourself, so that you feel like you've done something when you haven't.
So late, but not never, this is my promise:
I always have a few projects on the go at any one time; a baby quilt, a piece of editing (tailoring seems a bit grand) for my wardrobe, some DIY project. And usually have one project that commands more of my attention than the others. Either its time sensitive, or just more compelling for me. But if I'm honest this blog has never been that project.
I've been holding back on you. Offering less than my total commitment. I've been running the site in maintenance mode without ever having done the work to establish it properly. That isn't fair on you guys, who grant me your time and attention, for which I am eternally grateful. It isn't fair on myself, as I'm doing myself down by not pulling out the stops.
And mostly its down to fear. Fear of trying to play with the big leagues (and not matching up). Fear of trying to build a following and nobody being interested (like turning up for your first day of school, but so, so much worse). Fear of attracting the wrong sort if attention, which is inevitable if you're saying anything worth hearing.
But enough. Its time to stop playing small. Its time to put my focus into something that I want to see grow. So for the forseeable this space will be my main focus.
I've always liked the month of May. It might be my favorite. It's a month when the weather starts getting good again and the days are getting long and spring is with us in its full frontal blousy glory. It's a good month to start something a fresh, to give yourself the space grow.